Dr. Ozzy is in to answer health questions

It’s unlikely the new health columnist for London’s Sunday Times Magazine will be joining the Association of Health Care Journalists any time soon.

(Stefan Ruiz/The Sunday Times Magazine)

(Stefan Ruiz/The Sunday Times Magazine)

Notorious rocker and reality television star Ozzy Osbourne is writing a health advice column for the publication.

Osbourne says his new gig “makes perfect sense: I’ve seen literally thousands of doctors over my lifetime, and spent well over £1m on them, to the point where I sometimes think I know more about being a doctor than doctors do.”

Dr. Ozzy, as he says he’ll be known, admits he hasn’t exactly lived the healthiest lifestyle but says he’s cleaned up his act and now only takes drugs for “real things, such as high cholesterol, depression or heartburn.”

In a column introducing him as the new columnist, he describes prostate exams and colon cancer tests as only he could. Of course, it also includes less-than-scientific advice about getting screenings.

His first column addresses quitting smoking (“put your son off cigarettes by making him ill. Throw some fag ash on his cornflakes.”) and dealing with a cancer diagnosis (“you shouldn’t feel bad about being a mess”). His next column touts the benefits of penicillin after a fan found himself “entertaining a woman of questionable morality” and he answers a question from a woman whose son is nervous about his driving test.

By the way, the best headline for this story: “Ozzy Osbourne as a health columnist? Crazy, but that’s how it goes” comes from the Stuck in the ’80s blog on tampabay.com.

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