For years, Karen Wentworth knew how she wanted to die.
A plan was detailed in a small green notebook she kept next to a lamp in her South Portland home. It was easy to reach in case the appendix cancer that stole Wentworth’s strength, appetite and many of her organs for over a decade made a final play for her life.
The book had her do-not-resuscitate directive, plus phone numbers for the funeral home and burial grounds that would take care of her. It was meticulous, like its owner.
It was one of the two reminders of her death in the home, relatively small details in a ranch house on a quiet side street filled with houseplants and comfortable furniture. The other was a small blue bag adorned with boats and waves, surrounded by crystals and feathers on a table in her office. Nestled in it were the medications that would end her life.
Wentworth was the second person in the state to get a prescription under Maine’s 2019 death with dignity law, according to the Maine Death With Dignity organization. Since the law passed, 94 people have used a combination of drugs to end their lives from 2019 to 2021, state data shows. Most people who had a prescription written used it within 20 days.
To get the medication, a doctor needs to determine you have no more than six months to live. Wentworth’s doctors certainly thought she qualified when she was first prescribed in November 2019. But Wentworth beat their projections by over three years.
Knowing she had control over her death gave Wentworth peace. She hoped others might learn from her story, which she agreed to share with a reporter for more than two years. Her journey provides a rare window into the complex decisions facing someone with the option to end their life.
Wentworth did not know choosing to live would bring crushing loss and deep joy. But she always knew two things: She would never be hospitalized again, and she would not suffer in her death.
“I might not use the medication,” Wentworth said in July 2020, sitting in the shade of her garden. “But I won’t know until I’m there.”